Through Her Eyes
by chelsea'97
Summary: Alice has been battleing an unknown mental disease for years. Her parents have been taking her from doctor to doctor and nothing has gotten any better. Alice is in pain but her parents want the best for her. But what if she doesn't want it? All human.
1. Chapter 1

**Esme's POV**

Alice came out of the bathroom, face pale and damp with sweat. The new medication the doctors had prescribed her had vicious side effects. She had been vomiting all morning and wouldn't let me comfort her or clean up the bathroom.

"Can I get you anything honey?" I asked as Alice flopped back down onto the couch and moaned in pain. "Water? A blanket?"

"Just leave me alone Mom" she groaned and buried her face in a pillow. "My head hurts and my stomach hurts and I've lost five pounds this week. If you're going to do anything call my god damn doctor and get me off this god damn medication."

My heart sank knowing my 'daughter' was in pain. She wasn't actually mine. My husband Carlisle had her from a previous marriage but she felt like my own since she's been with me since she was about two years old.

"Alice," I sighed "you know you can't stop the medication until the bottle is gone and Dr. Gerandy checks to see if its working."

"Can't you see!" Alice cried with all the energy she had left. "No matter how many medications I try, none of them are going to work! Its not curable!" She broke down crying and curled into a ball.

About now is a good time to say what's wrong with Alice. She has these 'visions' as she calls them of the future. The doctors honestly think its schizophrenia, but Alice doesn't think so. It started happening when she was about nine and she would tell me all about these odd dreams she'd been having. A few months later Carlisle, being a doctor had it arranged for her to be checked out.

Ever since then its been doctor to doctor, medication to medication, hospital to hospital. We move around a lot because of this and right now we're in an apartment in Seattle. I know my daughter is in pain everyday because of all this but I want nothing more for her to get better. If this medication doesn't work we're going to see a new doctor. Which means moving again.

I look back at Alice. She had stopped crying and had fallen asleep. She looked so peaceful, for once not in pain. I grabbed the blanket that was draped over the top of the sofa and laid it over her. I kissed her forehead and left the room, not wanting to wake her now that she had finally escaped the nightmare that is her life.


	2. Chapter 2

**Esme's POV**

That night when Carlisle got home from the hospital, I planned to have a long hard chat on why nothing was working and the next move. It was clear to me now that this next move was inevitable. Dr. Gerandy had done all he could do, and it was time to move on, again.

Alice had since woken up and moved to her bedroom when Carlisle got home so it was a perfect time to talk without chance of her overhearing.

Carlisle kissed my cheek and sat down next to me, he could sense that I wanted to talk. That was one of the things I loved about him, there's no need for words.

"How's she doing?" he asked, knowing this conversation would be about Alice.

I sighed and sank down in my seat. "She lashed out at me this morning." A looked into my husbands eyes. "This isn't the one. We have to move again." Tears filled my eyes and Carlisle hugged me while I cried.

When I was done he looked at me seriously. "Biloxi." he said.

"What?"

"Biloxi, it has one of the best mental clinics in the country. If they can't cure Alice I don't know who can."

I smiled, but then thought about what Alice had said earlier.

"She doesn't think she can be cured." I whispered. "It sounds like she's more content just to have the visions."

Carlisle chuckled then. "I wouldn't say that, you know how she gets when she has one."

No sooner had he said that there was an ear-piercing shriek that came from Alice's room.


	3. Chapter 3

**Esme's POV**

When Alice has her 'visions' its very noticeable, at a first glance it seems like she's daydreaming. But when you get a closer look you can see her eyes rapidly moving back and forth as if she was sleeping. Once she snaps out of it, she tries to hide it. But by looking at people she can just tell who saw her.

That's the daytime visions. She says those aren't that bad, usually about something that would appear on the news, like a robbery, or a little girl getting a heart transplant. Apparently they're not all that scary and that its nice to know what's going on before everyone else.

The ones she has while sleeping are a whole different story.

She describes these as nightmares that you can't wake up from. That sometimes she feels pain in them, and everyone is screaming at her. Those are almost always people out to get her. Friends from school, doctors, serial killers. These visions are the ones doctors worry about.

Which is why Carlisle and I ran into Alice's room as soon as we heard her yell.

She was curled up on the floor rocking back and forth whispering "Leave me alone, let me go, no, no!, NO!" She woke up and burst into tears.

Carlisle knelt down beside her and started rubbing her back in slow gentle circles. "Shhh" he said softly. "It was only a dream, you're alright."

Alice turned away from him. "No" she said, "Its not alright, you don't even understand. No one understands! I'm always teased and pushed around by everyone! I have no friends! Doctors treat me like I'm five! Just leave me alone!"

I sank to the floor holding back tears after hearing that. "I know its hard, honey. But things _will_ get better."

Alice sat up and glared at me. "Get the hell out of my room!" she yelled "I want to be alone!"

The words stung like peroxide on a cut, but nevertheless I stood up and Carlisle and I left the room, shutting the door behind us.


	4. Chapter 4

Carlisle and I went to bed after that, although neither of us actually slept. We just lid there, staring at each other for about an hour until Carlisle said "I'm taking her to her therapist tomorrow. This is getting too severe. I'll also talk about a job transfer to Biloxi." I nodded, a lump still in my throat that would turn to tears if I tried to talk.

There was the sound of a door opening and then retching sounds. Alice was throwing up again.

"Let me" I said to Carlisle, getting up and slipping into my robe. I ran to the bathroom but Alice was already done. Despite the cold water she was splashing on her face I could see the tears.

I wrapped my arm around her and she leaned her head on me. "I'm sorry mom" she whispered.

I kissed her hair and led her back to her room. She got back in her bed and I was about to leave when she called out "Wait." She paused and smiled. "Lie down with me for a bit."

I smiled and lid down beside her. She hadn't asked me to lie down with her for years. I suppose that was normal though considering she was fifteen. "I love you" I whispered as I rubbed her back in gentle circles.

She sighed. "I love you too."

"You know you're gonna need to go see Dr. Parsons tomorrow right."

"Mhmm. But that doesn't matter, I like her. Not like Dr. Gerandy, he's a stick in the mud." She giggled.

I did too, just because that was her first time laughing in over a month.


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning, before Carlisle left for his shift at the hospital, we decided that over breakfast we were going to tell Alice about the move to Biloxi. I cooked her favorite- blueberry pancakes. Carlisle and I were fully dressed and ready by the time Alice dragged herself out of her room wearing a pair of Mario boxers and an oversized grey t-shirt. She took one look at the table and demanded "What's the bad news?"

I giggled, "Am I really getting that predictable?"

"You passed predictable about 5 years ago, Honey" said Carlisle. This made a hint of a smile cross Alice's face.

She sighed and sat down. "Just tell me" she said, reaching for the pitcher of syrup.

I looked at Carlisle silently saying for him to break the news.

He cleared his throat and said, "We're moving again Alice. I know we only moved a few months ago but there's this great help centre for teens, the best in the country actually. If they can't help you I don't know who can."

For a while Alice just sat there chewing the piece of pancake that was in here mouth. Once she swallowed she simply said, "I don't really care anymore. Move us to China if you want, throw me in the loonie bin, I just wanna get better."

"You will get better" I said. "But once we find the right treatment for you its gonna take time and dedication to work."

"I know, you've told me that before. I'm gonna go get dressed so you can send me to therapy already."

Alice got up and went to her bedroom, shutting the door behind her. "She's giving up" I whispered.


	6. Chapter 6

**CPOV**

Dr. Parsons is one of two therapists of Alice that she actually liked. The other one she had when she was eight and had problems with bullying. I don't know what it is about her Alice likes, but I do know that she's very kind and understanding.

After Alice had left the dinner table and Esme had said she was giving up. I lost my appetite and put my dishes in the sink. I work in the emergency room of the main hospital in Seattle, so I always drop Alice off to her therapy sessions. Esme stays at home because its hard to find a job you can transfer with often.

Alice was dressed in a pair of skinny jeans and a purple hoodie, her grey eyes showing no emotion. Silently we went to my mercedes for the 15 minute drive to the hospital.

"How are you feeling?" I asked her in an attempt to make conversation. When she didn't reply I glanced to the passenger seat and immediently noticed her eyes moving rapidly back and forth. She was having a 'vision'. I waited for her to return to the present.

"What did you see, Honey?"

Alice shifted awkwardly in her seat, "Nothing Dad, it was just- nevermind."

"You can tell me anything you know. I'm your father after all."

"It was nothing Dad!" she said with more force this time, "Just a little flicker of Biloxi, that's all!"

"Okay, okay. Calm down. Maybe you need mood stabilizers too."

I regretted saying that a millisecond after it left my mouth. We both knew very well her mother was bi-polar and she had a good chance of inheriting it. Maybe this was the first symptoms of it.

We arrived at the hospital and Alice went to therapy without a goodbye and I went to my shift in the ER. An hour later Dr. Parsons approached me.

Dr. Parsons is a beautiful woman, blonde hair and gorgeous blue eyes. I know Alice is jealous. She thinks she looks very bland with black hair and grey eyes.

"I have some news about Alice" she said.

This isn't going to be good, I thought. Being a doctor myself I knew that when they said they have news, nine chances out of ten its not good. "What's wrong?" I breathed.

Dr. Parsons closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Her mental state is much worse than we thought."


	7. Chapter 7

For a second I just stood there, taking in what Dr. Parsons had just said. I wasn't sure how much worse Alice's mental state could get. "How so?" I asked trying to get the words out without my voice cracking.

Dr. Parsons looked me right in the eye. "Well, the suspicion of bi-polar was correct, type II, I'll get her started on some mood stabilizers next week. Apparently the vision are coming more frequently, and the worst," She took a deep breath. "Alice is cutting herself."

I dropped my clipboard. "WHAT!"

Dr. Parsons picked it up and gave me a sympathetic stare, a real one, not the ones that some doctors fake. She really did care. "It was a surprise to me too. She covers it very well. Only small cuts on her thighs."

"Did she tell you this willingly?"

"No." She sighed. "She winced when I placed my hand there and. . . .yeah."

"Can I speak to her?"

"She said only if you promised you wouldn't yell at her."

"Of course. I would never, it's not like any of these illnesses are her fault."

"Okay then, follow me."

The mental health centre in the hospital isn't very large, only a small hallway. Most therapists either have their own private practise or work in special help centres, like the one in Biloxi. Alice was curled up on the sofa drying her eyes with a black stained tissue. I sat down beside her and put my arm around her.

"I'm not mad at you." I whispered.

She turned and started at me with those large grey eyes of hers. Just like her mother. "Really?" she asked.

I hugged her. "Of course not, honey. Were gonna get you help so you can stop."

Alice hugged me back, "I'm sorry." She started crying again. "When are we moving?"

She looked me right in the eyes. Gateway to my soul as Esme called them. Alice was reading them right now. I sighed. "Probably next week."

She buried her head in my shoulder. "I'm scared Daddy."

I held her closer. "I know sweetheart."


	8. Chapter 8

**CPOV**

Alice's mom was a very unique woman. Charming, smart, beautiful, and extremely mentally ill. She was bi-polar; like Alice, except she was type I. Of course, I didn't care. I loved her, illness and all. Valerie, her name was. Meaning "Fierce one" described her perfectly during her depressive swings. She drank a lot during them, well not at first. She used to be really good at coping with it, but as she got older things started to change.

One particular night, we had been married for a year and a half, Alice was ten months old and we all home in our apartment in New York. Valerie was in one of her depressive swings, sat down at the dining room table, bottle in her hand. Me and Alice we on the sofa, doing what I can't quite remember. But Valerie got up and stumbled over to us.

"Come to bed honey" She slurred in my ear. "I have a suprise for you."

I had just stared at her, holding you protectively in my lap. The smell of alcohol on her breath was nauseating. "Maybe once your sober," I got up, carrying Alice to the kitchen and got Valerie a glass of water. "Drink this" I told her.

She looked up at me with those big grey eyes, Alice was looking at me too with her identical pair, both of them looked a little out of focus. Alice started crying and Valerie took a look drink from her bottle. I went and put Alice in her crib and then sat down next to Valerie on the sofa.

The bottle was almost empty and she was almost incoherent, but that didn't stop me from at least trying to talk to her.

"Valerie" I whispered, she looked in my general direction, but her eyes were still out of focus, hazy. "Put down the bottle for a second and talk to me."

"No" She had said. As simple as that. "If I want to drink, then I will."

After that night things kept getting worse and worse. Eventually, one day I just packed up and left with Alice. I haven't heard from Valerie since. But now I wish I had gotten help for her, I wouldn't have stayed with her anyway, I love Esme too much. But maybe if we had stayed in touch I'd have a little bit of an idea of what do to with Alice now.


	9. Chapter 9

**Still Carlisle's POV**

On the way back to the apartment, with a fair sized bag of medication and bad news to tell Esme, we were both silent. Alice had her legs pulled up to her chest and was hugging them to her body. Her head rested on them, I think she might have been crying. It wasn't until we were pulling into the parking lot that Alice spoke, startling me.

"What do you think she'll say?" She whispered.

I sighed. "I don't know Honey, but it has to be done. You know that."

She nodded and got out of the car. The apartment building we were staying at was quite small, four floors and 200 apartments. I knew almost everyone on our floor. In the elevator, I hit the three button and just as the doors were closing a man stuck his hand in making them re-open. It was Tom Smith, he lived in the apartment next to us, his wife and Esme were friends. He had a daughter Alice's age, but they'd only hung out once or twice.

"Good afternoon Carlisle." he greeted me. "Alice."

"It is indeed," I said back. Alice looked at him and attempted a smile. "How have things been lately?"

"Oh just wonderful, and you?"

"Not bad. Although we are moving again."

We arrived at our floor. "I know, that's too bad. Esme is over at my place right now, you two should pop over for a visit as well."

"Sounds good" Alice smiled for real this time, probably the only reason being I wasn't going to tell Esme about her cutting in front of others.

Tom's wife Elizabeth, was a kind loving woman, much like Esme. I suppose that's why the two of them got along so well. However their daughter Winnie was Alice's polar opposite. Tall, thin, blonde hair blue eyes, popular, loud and almost too polite. She didn't seem to mind Alice's company but Alice sure minded hers. When she got back from their first meeting a record length of profanities was used to describe Winnie.

Inside Tom's apartment, Esme and Elizabeth were sat down on the couch having a cup of coffee and talking. Winnie was in a recliner, watching "Pretty Little Liars" on tv.

"Hello Carlisle." Elizabeth said. "Hey Alice, Winnie's been asking about seeing you again. How have you been?"

"Fine." she mumbled and sat down next to Esme.

"You don't sound fine to me" Esme said. "What's wrong?"

Alice looked up at me. "Tell her the thing you knew but not the thing you didn't. You know, the _**big**_ thing."

Tom laughed. "Are you sure what thing she means?"

"Nope. So I'm gonna take a guess." I looked Esme in the eye. "Alice has Bi-polar disorder."

Esme just nodded curtly. "I suppose we need to chat in private now don't we."

"Mhmm." I said. "Do you guys mind if Alice stays over and extra 15 minutes?"

"Oh not at all!" Elizabeth practically yelled. "We love having Alice over. Would you like something to eat Honey?"

"No thanks" she mumbled.

Winnie spoke for the first time since we had arrived, "Why don't we go to my room?"

"Sure" she said and they went off.

Back in our apartment Esme pulled me into a hug so tight I couldn't breathe and started crying. "Oh Carlisle! Bi-polar disorder! Do you know how high the suicide rate for bi-polar people is?"

"Yes" I mumbled into her hair. "But that's actually the better of the news. We already have her started on mood stabilizers, look out for side effects." She nodded.

"Then what's the bad news."

I took a deep breath, just like Dr. Parsons had done before telling me. "Alice is cutting herself."

Esme's knees gave out and she collapsed into my arms sobbing. I carried her into our bedroom and cuddled her on the bed. "How bad?" she whispered after a while.

"I don't know, I haven't seen yet. Although Dr. Parsons says they're only small..

The door to the apartment opened and closed. Alice peeked into the room. "Do you hate me Mom?" she asked.

Esme jumped up and hugged her. "Of course not. Your going through a tough time, although were going to have to find you a better coping method."

"Lets see them" I said. "The cuts."

Alice sighed, hesitated and slowly pulled off her jeans, wincing as they brushed over her thighs. Esme sat down on the bed bringing Alice with her. I got up to get a better look. With wide eyes I touched my fingers to the thin cris-cross lines covering her upper leg. Tears filled her eyes, from pain or shame I don't know but she let me keep my hand there. Slowly, she brought on of Esme's hands down to her other leg. I watched as she traced over each cut once, twice, three times.

"Each one represents a time when I couldn't stand the pain." Alice whispered. "And right now there should be a fresh one, beautiful blood dripping down my leg." she sighed and traced over her scars, relaxing on the bed with the memories of cutting herself.

It shocked me how people who cut actually thought that way. The blood and sliced skin was a relief, unlike the pain it would cause others. "Maybe there should be another one" I said "but there won't be."


	10. Chapter 10

**Esme's POV**

Its always sad to move, no matter how many times it happens. I was standing in the middle of our almost empty apartment with Carlisle, Alice was finishing packing up the rest of her stuff. Her room door was wide open so she couldn't secretly cut. Last night Alice slept in the bed with me, Carlisle camped out on the couch. She cried in my arms for hours telling me how sorry she was and how she hoped I would still love her. I don't know where she'd ever get the idea I didn't love her, its not her fault she's so mentally ill.

When we get to Biloxi, there's going to be quite a few changes to our lifestyle. Not counting the new doctors and medications, Carlisle and I are going to have to make sure that Alice can't get her hands on anything that she can cut herself with, plus we're going to have to check her body for fresh cuts once every few days. Closing her bedroom door will not be allowed unless she's changing her clothes, and were have to know her whereabouts at all times. When I first heard all these rules I thought it was really extreme, but it has to be done.

Carlisle has signed Alice up for a program that helps teenagers with mental illnesses cope and talk to others going through the same things. It takes place in the help centre that she's going to be seeing her doctors in from now on. She isn't excited, but when is Alice ever excited?

"There" she said, dropping a box onto the floor, "The last of my shit has been packed up so lets fucking go already."

"Language" Carlisle said, giving her a hard look. Alice dropped her gaze to the floor. "Besides, you have to take your meds first."

She groaned. "Ughh! There's like eight different kinds! That means at least 30 possible side effects! Weight gain, vomiting, irritation, migraines, dizziness, sleep problems blah blah blah blah blah. . . . ."

Carlisle smiled, "I doubt there's that many."

"Whatever, lets just get this over with."

"Now that's the spirit. Besides, as soon as we get to Biloxi you'll get to meet other people who are probably taking twice as many medications as you."

"Oh joy." She rolled her eyes and rooted through one of her boxes coming up with her medication and a bottle of water. It took five minutes to take everything, "Alright lets go."

It was going to take six days to get to Biloxi if Alice didn't get sick, but of course that was almost guaranteed to happen. So we allotted two weeks of time before Alice's first therapy session was to take place. I wasn't excited about the drive and unpacking everything into a new apartment, but I was very excited about the possibility that Alice could finally get better.


	11. Chapter 11

**Esme's POV**

We made the trip to Biloxi in a week and a half, around day five she got violently sick and we had to stop for a few days. She's also had some wicked headaches but on the bright side she only had one vision the whole trip.

Our new apartment looked surprisingly similar to our old one, after unpacking everything and putting it all away Alice was wondering if we had even moved. Anyway, tomorrow she's going to go to the hospital and meet her new doctors before starting that program for teens. But before that Carlisle and I have to check if she's been cutting or not. So that brings us up to the three of us sitting on Alice's bed, Alice being half naked.

"This is really awkward you know." Alice grumbled as she pulled of her shirt to reveal her polka dot bra.

Carlisle laughed, "I'm a doctor, you don't have anything I haven't see before."

"And I'm a girl too" I chimed in.

Alice folded her arms in front of her chest, "Its still awkward."

I laughed, there were no new cuts on her thighs but we still had to check everywhere else. Finally we were satisfied that she hadn't been cutting and let her put her outer clothes back on. I left but Carlisle called me back a few minutes later. Alice was crying on the bed, her bra was on the floor.

"What did you do!" I yelled thinking he had tried to sexually abuse her.

"She has been cutting" Carlisle said in a low voice. "Show your mother what you did to yourself" he said to Alice.

Hesitantly, Alice sat up. Her hands were covering her breasts, slowly she shifted one and I could just make out a small red line that had scabbed over, proof of her pain.

**Carlisle's POV**

The next morning me and Alice went on our little drive to the clinic, pretty much the only bonding time we ever have together. She had another headache and was rocking back and forth in her seat, curled up in a ball.

"Can't you just get me some aspirin" she moaned.

"It would react with the medication your taking now, so no."

She grumbled and returned to rocking back and forth.

The clinic looked like a normal business building from the outside, but on the inside was a totally different story. Everything seemed to be toned down, subtle colours in blues and pinks and yellows. White leather couches and comfortable looking recliners. The doctors and nurses were all dressed in normal shirts and pants, some of the women wearing skirts. It was definitely different from everywhere we had been before. The patients were all teenagers of course, a few had took notice to us, well Alice actually. Staring her down, sizing her up, maybe just trying to figure out why she was here. But they all looked genuinely nice.

"Why don't you go sit down while I do the paperwork" I told Alice.

She didn't say anything but walked over to the sitting area and resumed her previous position from the car. A secretary called me in just as a saw a boy around her age sit next to her and start talking.

**A/N Who could it be! I know, but you don't XD Haha sorry to keep you in suspense but I'm feelin evil today. Guess you'll all have to wait until I update next. Mua ha ha ha!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Jasper's POV**

The new girl was beautiful, deep black hair that fell just below her shoulders, large grey eyes, she was short but had a lovely, well-developed figure. I estimated she was around 15 or 16, my age. She was with a man I assumed was her father, he went with a nurse to do some paperwork and she sat on the sofa next to me. She pulled she legs up to her chest so she was in a ball and started rocking back and forth. I wondered what was wrong with her.

"Are you alright" I asked her.

She winced and looked up at me. Her eyes seemed to burn a hole right through me. She slowly shook her head and put it back on her knees.

"What's you name?"

She didn't say anything.

"My name is Jasper."

This time she looked up. "I'm Alice" she said, her voice barely audible. There was almost no emotion in it. "What are you in here for?"

I hesitated, not really sure if I wanted to tell a girl I just met my life story. She realized she shouldn't have asked that question and added "If you wanna say."

I gave a small smile. "Well I don't actually have a mental illness or anything, my parents abused me." I pulled up one of my sleeves so she could see my scars. All shapes and sizes, from burns, hits, cuts. You name it, I had a scar from it.

For a moment she just stared, then she said "Uh, I guess I'm sorry then. I, on the other hand do have a mental illness, and it sucks." She smiled.

I smiled too. I went to say something else but halfway through the first word I noticed she had gone out of focus, her eyes were moving rapidly back and forth as if she were dreaming. Seeing something the rest of us couldn't. She snapped out of it and looked away quickly, blushing.

"By any chance is this illness schizophrenia?" I asked. "My friend Edward" I gestured to the boy sitting in the recliner adjacent to our couch, "is schizophrenic".

"No" she said with more force than I thought she had in her. "Bi-polar."

I nodded, there were a least five other people at this clinic with bi-polar.

"Are you in that program where we all talk to each other and stuff?" I asked her, hoping the answer was yes. I really wanted to get to know her better, she seemed like deep down she was a nice person. Plus she was just so pretty I wanted to stare at her forever.

"Sadly" she sighed, "I do not want to talk about my problems with a bunch of random people."

I laughed. "They're not random after your first session. Besides, it really does help".

Her father came out then with Dr. Collins, one of the therapists. She was only 30 but she was one of the best at this clinic. "Alice, this is Dr. Collins and she's gonna be your therapist." They walked over.

"Hello, Alice" Dr. Collins said, extending her hand for a handshake. Alice didn't take it. "Well, should we go to my office now and get to know each other." She smiled.

Alice shrugged. "I suppose" and got up. They went down the hallway together and I was left alone with her father. There was an awkward silence for a few moments before he turned to look at a mural on the wall.

Edward stood up and sat down where Alice had just been. "Looks like someone has a crush" he smiled. It sometimes seemed as if he could read minds, but we all know its just the voices in his head.

"Haha" I said sarcastically but then I stopped to think. Maybe I was crushing on the new girl. . .


	13. Chapter 13

**Dr. Collins' POV**

Alice Cullen seemed very shy, or maybe she just had an attitude. But anyway, once we were in my office she sat down on the couch in my office and curled herself into a ball, not looking at me. Her father had told me that she was bi-polar and in the middle of a depression swing. He also told me that sometimes she has these strange "visions" and he wished to have her checked yet again for schizophrenia. Even though she's been tested for is twice already with negative results.

"So, Alice" I said, taking out my notepad. During the first session with a patient, I always just take time to know them and have them open up to me, "would you like to tell me a little bit about yourself?"

Without looking up she said, "Lets not and say we did."

I laughed and wrote _sarcastic_ on my notepad. "Well then, shall I tell you a little bit about myself?" When she didn't answer I said, "My name is Dr. Julia Collins, I'm 30 years old and work as a therapist." Alice snorted, good start. "I'm married with one child and a dog, my favorite food is chocolate and my favorite television show is _house_. I love books by _Stephen Kin_g. My hobbies are writing, reading and cooking." Alice had looked up at me now, "Now would you like to tell me stuff about yourself?"

She shrugged. "My name is Alice Cullen, I'm 15 years old and my life sucks. The end."

"That's it? No hobbies? Interests? No joy in life?"

"Well I suppose I do, but my parents don't want me moping around and cutting myself all day."

I didn't say anything for a moment, her father had mentioned that it had been recently discovered that she was cutting herself. I wondered just how extreme it might be. I checked my chart again for some bit of information I could possibly use to spark a conversation with Alice. There was nothing except a medical history that could be its own book. I was just gonna have to try a few things and hope for the best.

"Have you met any of the other patients here yet?" I asked. Most everyone here are good friends with each other, especially with the chat group we have.

"There was this guy named Jasper talking to me in the waiting room."

"Ah, Jasper is a nice young man. I believe he's only a year older than you."

Alice said nothing. She just continued with her rocking motions. "What's wrong, honey?" I asked.

"Headache" she mumbled. "And don't ever call me honey again." she said with venom in her voice, so much different than the one she had used just seconds ago.

"Okay, sorry." I pretended to write something in my notepad so I wouldn't have to look her in the eye. After a moment I looked back up and said, "Well what do you think of Jasper?"

Alice shrugged. "He's alright I guess."

I nodded.

"And I know you're trying to get me to warm up to you, but you don't need to know me personally. Just start asking me about my problems so I can get the hell out of this place."

"Well why don't you tell me about some of these problems then, so I can get you started on some treatment then."

Alice's voice went very quiet when she spoke again. She said, "You can't save someone who doesn't wanna be saved."

**A/N Sorry I haven't updated in so long, I really am. My family is almost never home during the summer so I haven't had my laptop or internet. Don't worry, I haven't quit on this story and I don't plan on anytime soon. (:**

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	14. Chapter 14

**Jasper's POV**

The next day was group therapy. I have to admit, some of the kids here are total nut jobs, like Mason who claims he can see dead people. More like horror movies have ruined his brains. But most people here are simply misunderstood, you can't understand what its like to have a mental illness until you've been diagnosed with one is what I've learned. Well, at least that's what I've been told. Most people here think _I'm_ a nut job. I have a few abnormal fears as a result of what my parents did to me, Clara is the only one who gets it since her parents abused her too. I think she has a crush on me. The point I'm trying to get across here is that I was trying to decide what group Alice fit into: misunderstood, or actually crazy.

"What cha thinkin' about Lover Boy?" Edward teased as we waited for the session to start. "I bet its that girl, 'Oh I wonder where Alice could be?' 'When is Alice going to get here?' 'Is my fly undone?' he mocked and burst out laughing. Edward is kind of in the middle between misunderstood and crazy, more tilted towards crazy.

"Very funny, Edward." I said, and went to start another sentence but lost what I was going to say when Alice walked into the room.

'_God, she's gorgeous'_ I thought as she sat down. Today she was wearing a floral blouse with a beige jacket and ripped skinny jeans. Her dark hair was pulled into a side ponytail that was draped over her shoulder. But what I noticed the most was the smile on her face, possibly the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen.

"Whoa, what happened to her?" Edward asked in awe, "Yesterday she was dressed like some goth person."

I laughed, "She's bi-polar" I said, "She could be back to that in an hour for all we know."

"Alright everyone" Dr. Keats, the host of this little 'get-together' said as he walked in the room, "lets, get things started. How are we all doing?"

There was an incoherent mumble as people said 'good', 'tired', 'shitty' and some other phrases I couldn't pick out. I kept quiet.

Dr. Keats looked at his chart, "Okay, from what I have written down we have someone new joining us today. Where's Alice?"

Hesitantly Alice raised her hand.

"Wonderful," he said as he sat down in the middle of the somewhat circle we had formed in this pitifully decorated room. There was no actual chairs so everyone was on the grey carpeted floor. The walls were a shade of baby blue and covered in paintings of different types of landscapes. A vase of fake flowers was placed by the door. "Would you like to tell us a little about yourself, Alice?"

She glanced around the room at the dozen other of us and said, "Uh, I'm bi-polar."

Dr. Keats nodded. "Anything else?"

"I'm in mania and I'm craving a chocolate milkshake. Alright can we just get this thing over with?"

Edward laughed. "I ask him the same thing every day."

Surprisingly , she laughed back. It sounded like wind chimes, almost childlike. It was beautiful. I caught Alice's eye and smiled. She blushed and looked away quickly.

"Well Alice, let's get you introduced to everyone." Dr. Keats continued as if Edward hadn't even spoken.

The rest of the session was mainly uneventful. Although I did manage to talk to Alice before she left with her father. She had blanked out again like she had yesterday, everyone else was already gone so I could walk up to her easily. She snapped out of it and quickly glanced around before continuing down the hallway that led to the main waiting room.

"Wait up!" I called out as I jogged towards her.

Alice turned around. "What?" she asked.

I paused. I didn't actually know what I wanted to say. "Uh, uhhhh."

Alice giggled. "That session thing wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Except for that kid who said he had sex with his teacher. Oh my god I could have vomited. How to people do that stuff? I mean, I know he's 18 and all but still, that's absolutely nasty. I'm sorry, I'm babbling aren't I? I tend to do that when I'm happy. Make up for all the talking I didn't do when I was sad ya know? Mom says I need to stop and breathe. . . ."

I should have probably stopped her but I loved the sound of her voice. Besides, I heard that girls like it when guys listen to them talk on and on. Finally she stopped and I realized I should have said something by now. "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself" I said pathetically.

She giggled again. "Are you okay? You zoned out like I do, hehe did I say that out loud? Whoops" she blushed again.

Alice's father and my foster mother walked up then. "There you are Alice" her father said, "I've been looking everywhere for you."

"Oh sorry." she said, skipping over to him. "I was talking to Jasper, my therapist wanted me to talk about him yesterday, I didn't know what to say. He's pretty cool," she skipped over to my foster mother Denise. "Are you his mom? You don't look like Jasper, or does he look like his dad? Maybe you're his step mom. . ."

"Calm down Alice" her father told her. "I'm almost missing the depression. See you Denise" he said as he and Alice left.

"Goodbye Carlisle" Denise called after him. "How was therapy?"

"Good" I replied. _Actually_ I thought_ very good. Next day I'm going to make my move._

_**A/N Sorry again about the long time its been since I've updated. I'm going to be gone for a week now so don't panic. Jasper really likes Alice. . .oooohh wonder where this will go. I don't even know, and I'm the author XD Haha,**_


	15. Chapter 15

**Esme'sPOV**

Me and Carlisle were in bed. (And not doing anything dirty!) He was already asleep and I lay awake staring at the ceiling smiling like an idiot. This move looked very promising for Alice. In the kitchen I could hear her get a glass of water before retreating back to her room. Mania was making her restless, but at least she was happy.

"Hey, mom" I jumped when Alice spoke. I hadn't noticed her come into the room.

I sat up, careful not to disturb Carlisle. "What is it, honey?"

She lid on her back on the end of the bed, sat up, then lid on her stomach. Her face had a look of longing on it. She sighed and changed positions again. "I can't stand this." she whispered.

"Stand what?"

"The mood shifts, the moving, the medication. I don't know who I am anymore." Tears starting running down her face. "I can't stand it."

Carlisle stirred then, sitting up and surveying the scene before him. Alice changed positions again. "She's having a mixed episode." he told me. "It shouldn't last long."

Alice started crying harder, she got up and left the room. I heard the sound of a drawer opening and closing then her heavy breathing faltered. Followed by a sigh and slow deep breaths. Carlisle shot out of bed. I quickly followed although I wasn't quite sure what was going on.

"Shit" he swore under his breath. "I forgot to lock up the knifes after I made dinner tonight."

I gasped but it felt like no air was going in, I was in a state of utter shock. Carlisle helped me get a hold of myself and both of us ran to the kitchen. There was no sign of Alice. I walked around the bar and almost fell over. " Carlisle!" I cried.

He ran over. Alice was unconscious, a large puddle of blood forming from a deep cut on her left wrist. If he was in any kind of shock it was undetectable on his face. Once he went into 'doctor mode' nothing could stop him. A few inches from where Alice lay, I could see a large knife, tainted with her blood.

"Grab me a towel" my husband commanded, holding out one hand. The other was clamped around the cut, trying to stop the blood flow. I quickly grabbed one from the bathroom. He quickly removed his hand and replaced it with the towel. The hand he had been holding on the cut was deep red. "Call 911" he said.

In a matter of minutes paramedics arrived, I'm not quite sure what happened, it felt like a dream. All I remember is Alice being taken away on a stretcher before I passed out.

**A/N Should I change this story's rating to M? I think I'm getting a little violent O_o**


	16. Chapter 16

**Carlisle's POV**

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

Alice's heart monitor was the only sound in the quiet hospital room. Esme was currently being examined by another doctor to make sure she was alright after she had passed out. There was a thick layer of gauze on Alice's hand which covered up the 14 stitches keeping it together. As of the time she was sedated, although she was supposed to wake up in about an hour. It pained me to see her like this. I felt like I had failed as her father.

Esme walked into the room and sat down in the chair next to me. I put my arm around her and she sighed. "I feel like this is all my fault." she mumbled.

"Its not, Baby." I whispered "Its mine, I forgot to lock the drawer."

We were quiet for a moment and then Esme kissed me.

"What was that for?" I asked, smirking.

"Because I love you."

Both of us jumped when Alice started mumbling incoherently. She rolled over without waking up completely. A nurse walked into the room and began checking her vitals. Her name tag read 'Desiree'.

"How is she doing?" Esme asked. I could tell she was trying to hide her anxiety.

"Pretty good, looks like the anaesthetic is starting to wear off. I'm gonna wake her up now, is that okay?"

Esme nodded.

Desiree knelt down beside Alice and shook her gently. "Alice, Alice. Its time to get up."

Alice once again stirred. This time her mumbling vaguely resembled words. I made out "Am I dead yet?"

Apparently Esme did too because her hand went to her heart. "I need some air" she gasped and fled the room.

_Later that night_

**Jasper's POV**

Alice wasn't at therapy that day. . . .

**Esme's POV**

Outside of the hospitals front doors, the crisp evening air helped calmed my nerves. Carlisle had his arm wrapped around my waist and his head rested on my shoulder. In my head I repeated "Everything will be okay" over and over again, hoping if I thought it enough I would actually believe it.

Both of us jumped when Desiree- the nurse from earlier came outside with her clipboard.

"How's she doing?" Carlisle asked. For that I was grateful, I wouldn't have been able to say it myself without breaking down into tears.

"Not the best" Desiree admitted. "But I believe there's hope. Her hand should heal in a week or two and extensive therapy will be required. I'll warn you it won't be easy, but I've seen a lot worse than Alice make full recoveries."

There was a tangible relief in the tension in the air between me and Carlisle. "She's gonna get better" I whispered.

"Yes she is" Carlisle whispered back. "I'll make sure it happens if it's the last thing I do." He leaned in to kiss me and it seemed as the world melted away. After I moment I broke away to thank Desiree but she was already gone.

"Let's back inside" I said, "We need to talk to Alice."


	17. Chapter 17

**Carlisle's POV**

Alice was staring at the wall when Esme and I arrived back into her room. Her eyes were red and puffy but she wasn't crying at the moment. She didn't look at us when we came in, her right hand was picking at her left.

I sat down on the bed next to Alice and stroked her messy black hair. She always hated the fact it was straight and used to always curl it, even if she couldn't get it exactly right. Now, it lay lifeless, just like her. Esme stood in the doorway, almost afraid of ruining the moment between us. For a few minutes we stayed like that, I began twisting Alice's hair around my finger. Then she finally turned to look at me.

"That kinda hurts" she said. Then gave a light giggle.

"Don't think your gonna get yourself off easy" Esme spoke in a stern tone she rarely ever used. So when she used it Alice knew she was in deep trouble.

Alice sighed and sat up. I untangled my fingers from her hair and folded them in my lap. "Look," she started, "I know that I really screwed up this time, I could have died, it was irresponsible and stupid to hack at my wrists with a knife, blah blah blah. And now that I've just said everything you guys don't have to bitch at me for an hour so everything's all good."

Esme walked up to Alice with her hands on her hips. "No, it's not "All good". Alice, you need to come to terms with the fact that you need help. You can't keep pushing people away like you've been doing. You need to accept that this is something you're gonna have to deal with for the rest of your life and learn to cope, and cutting isn't a way to cope I'll have you know. So I expect you to be open minded about everything your therapist tells you and to not be rude and ignorant. Understand?"

For a second Alice looked at Esme like she had ten heads. Then nodded as it all started to sink in.

I put my hand on her shoulder, it was clear she was embarrassed, her cheeks were flushed light pink. "Alice, I know you have it in you to get better, you just need to learn to accept the help we all want to get for you."

"I don't know how." she whispered.

Esme sat down on the other side of Alice and put her arm around her shoulder. "Why don't we start with actually trying to let your therapist know how you're feeling? She is there to help after all."

"It's just hard to tell a stranger everything I'm feeling".

Carlisle spoke then. "I'm going to set up an appointment with Dr. Collins as soon as your out of the hospital. Promise me you'll try to let her help you?"

Alice looked up into my eyes. Grey meeting blue, "I promise."


End file.
